The earthworm crisis

So here is how you write a newspaper article, scientific paper, or any non- fiction. 1) notice that something is happening 2) apply the story line that something is increasing carbon dioxide output 3) wring your hands about it and shout “carbon crisis”.

Today’s example is a story from the National Post that earthworms are gradually moving northward in Canada into boreal forest. Normally this would be a good thing, as the little creatures turn over soil and increase its productivity. Plus, the good news aspect can be readily ignored, which is that the North American continent is slowly recovering from the impoverishment of the most recent glaciation. (I nearly used “ice age”, but that would be wrong; we are still in an ice age, but we call it an interglacial period).

” Native earthworms disappeared from most of northern North America 10,000 years ago, during the ice age. Now invasive earthworm species from southern Europe — survivors of that frozen epoch, and introduced to this continent by European settlers centuries ago — are making their way through northern forests, their spread hastened by roads, timber and petroleum activity, tire treads, boats, anglers and even gardeners.”

At this point you smack both cheeks with you fingers and gasp in horror. Oh yes, do not forget to use the words “invasive species”. That will get them going. Species are supposed to stay where they are, according to the School of Climate Alarm.

There is no phenomenon of nature that cannot be dragged into global warming. I am waiting for the physicists to inform us how loop quantum gravity needs to be funded because it has implications for anthropogenic global warming, or climate change, or something. It is all a funding scam and a cry for attention.

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